


Awkward

by marieshou



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/M, Individual chapter warnings in notes, M/M, University AU, more to be potentially added as time goes on, what are correct grammatical tenses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-01 16:12:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4026418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marieshou/pseuds/marieshou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Sora's school life soon turns into nothing but one social mishap after another, partially thanks to a particular silver-haired RA, and Roxas thinks he could write a book about it. Sora's quick to point out he's one of the main causes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Freud who?

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: first person POV, language, brief slurs, alcohol use, freudian slips, author is bad with tenses, author tried.

**OUR FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE** , Roxas told me he was about to go through a “phase.” He cornered me one morning while I was getting ready for class and asked me to swear that I wouldn't tell anyone; said that if anyone bothered to ask who our soon-to-be-frequent late night visitor was that I had to lie and say we were dating. Nothing more, nothing less.

But that was problematic in more than one way. The first being that I was sure he was involved with a pretty little blonde girl back home whose name I couldn't remember. Was there trouble in paradise? More importantly, if there was, how come I was only finding out now? Regardless I never really pegged Roxas as the cheating type.

The second reason as to why the little lie would never work was simply because Roxas knew my preferences. Hell, the whole dorm floor knew (no thanks to the very same brother of mine that had been begging for me to “just go with it Sora, _please_.”). That being said, one would assume that any girl he saw wouldn't pass as my girlfriend.

And as to why Roxas would be so adamant about not being associated with her? I honestly didn't know. Maybe Roxas really was trying to keep everything under wraps, so his girl back home wouldn't find out. Or maybe this girl was freaky; had 6 fingers or was into some really kinky shit that Roxas didn't want everyone to know _he_ might be into. Or maybe she --

“--isn't a girl.”

In that brief second I could have sworn that time had stopped. In the cramped bathroom of our shared room the only sound that tickled our ears had been the slow _per-clunk_ of the leaky sink faucet. Said faucet threw a wrench into the whole ‘time stopped’ illusion; another instance being the impatient _tap-tap-tap_ of Roxas’s shoes on the linoleum signaling his impatience with my lack of response.

I had stopped mid-brush, my eyes wide and toothpaste unashamedly opting to start dribbling its way out of the corner of my mouth to snake down my chin. I was sure I must have been quite an appealing sight, what with my bedhead and loose white t-shirt complimented by my black boxers with yellow star-shaped fruits on them (Roxas still couldn't believe that I had bought them even though I made sure to remind him that they reminded me of home) that hung low on my hips.

Whether I was appealing or not would never get answered. Roxas’s impatient glare was replaced with the furrowing of his brows and the corner of his mouth turning upwards slightly with brief disgust. He pointed to his chin and deadpanned, “That’s disgusting, Sora.”

He wasted no time grabbing a washcloth from the cupboard above the sink counter and promptly threw it at me. I had mumbled a thanks and spit out the rest of the toothpaste into the sink basin before turning the faucet on for a few seconds. At that point I straightened my posture, surprise replaced with curiosity.

“So you’re experimenting... with guys?” The question sounded stupid as it had left my mouth, and if Roxas’s famous eye roll was any indication he thought the same. He had his arms crossed over his chest lazily.

“Obviously. Well...” He paused while an emotion flashed through his eyes that I couldn't quite catch before it disappeared. Roxas had always been pretty good at keeping his feelings where he wanted them, which was typically far away from people. There were only a few times that Roxas opened up to me but he always swore me to confidentiality afterward. “Besides, it’s not like you can judge or anything. Considering you’re _out_ and all.”

I resisted a scoff then. _Gee, I wonder how people already know even when the school year has barely started_. I mean, it hadn't of been Roxas’s fault that he introduced me to his new friends (acquaintances at the time really) a couple of weeks earlier. Surely it hadn't of been Roxas who accidentally brought up that I wasn't interested in girls when questioned by the female of the group who asked why I didn't have my own pretty little number considering how good-looking I was.

The female whose bright green eyes must have grown to the size of dinner plates (which seemed appropriate somehow given that her name was Omelet or something like that). Who stood in the middle of the residential hall and all but yelled the cliche “Roxas, your BROTHER’S GAY?” as if the world had been turned upside down and life was going to cease existing because that meant I was off the market, for her anyway.

And as you would of expected of people just beginning to settle into their own rooms, chatting away with strangers that some of them were going to spend the next several months rooming with the hall had went quiet. It’d been a good thing that stares couldn't actually burn holes through people.

Omelet turned beat red, whispered that she had been “so sorry oh my God” while her other two male friends Hay Bail and Pens (Roxas later scolded me for being an ass, saying they’d been Hayner, Pence, and Olette) rubbed their necks in embarrassment as the entire hall had started to watch us.

Roxas, being Roxas, simply turned to the onlookers with his patented ‘what the fuck are you looking at’ glare and had proceeded to tell them that “the show’s over so if you all could kindly fuck off with the stares that’d be _great_.”

The outburst however had caught the unwanted attention of the hall’s RA. He had a name that he used when he introduced himself, but all I really registered was that he was Sex on Legs, not whatever he said his actual name was. Silver hair long enough to touch his shoulders and little below; light teal eyes that were electric in intensity seemed bemused at best; a university t-shirt that hugged him in all the right places joined by a pair of light brown slacks and black dress shoes.

Roxas had immediately assured him that everything was fine, apologized for the ruckus and glanced at me as if he knew exactly what made me go quiet just so I could focus all my effort on trying not to drool. A few other students laughed at us but it failed to register as I had been too wrapped up in watching Sex on Legs walk down the hall to socialize with the other residents.

Despite the outing I never held it against Roxas, even made sure to clarify that I hadn't been upset with Omelet - _Olette_ \- either. Thinking back it had been pretty hilarious.

“I thought you were serious with that one chick back home?”

“Sora, I've been dating her for the past 3 years and you still haven’t bothered to remember her name?” His arms had gone still at his sides and part of me had thought he wanted to punch me. “Her name is Naminé, and yes. We were - _are_ serious.”

I leaned against the sink counter. “If you’re still serious why are you so keen on fooling around? Does she know about it or are you asking me to cover for you because it’s supposed to be some big secret I have to help keep?”

Roxas’s features had twisted into a mix of trying to be patient and ‘I’m wasting my time’. “I’m not cheating, if that’s what you’re getting at. I already talked to her about wanting to experience being with other people. It’s a mutual break.”

He had sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than explain it to me, but I chose to not elaborate on that. “Well you never really tell me about her so how am I supposed to assume she’d be the type who’s okay with a break so her boyfriend can get cozy with other people.”

“Look,” he started to lose his patience around this point of the conversation, and I remember I vaguely tried to recall what time it was and whether or not he’d make me late for class, “we've been together for a while now. I’m starting to think that maybe it might be the time to sit back and see if what I feel for her is the real deal. I keep thinking about... wanting to propose maybe but I've never really been with anyone but her. Do you get what I’m trying to say here?”

“Yeah, sure. But why start off with dudes? As far as I know you've never been aware of them before.” Mentioning that wanting to propose but yet putting it off to test dating other people seemed a little wonky wasn't going to be noted verbally by me. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if Roxas did actually fall for someone else. Would he go home and tell her that he loved her but found out he wasn't _in_ love with her? It also seemed a bit odd that he was jumping to men so fast. Maybe being around me so often made him somehow curious? I shrugged.

“Well, I...” This was where Roxas had started to fidget. I remember mentally bracing myself for a spontaneous black hole to appear smack dab in the middle of the bathroom because Roxas never fidgeted. “I sort of started talking to this guy. Met him at work several months ago and when I mentioned I was going to start school here he got all excited and said that he was on his second year. He just... made me feel funny, like a 14 year old girl who got to hold her boyfriend’s hand for the first time.”

“I’m going to guess he knows about the Naminé situation. And, uh, not to pry but if this dude’s gonna start making these so-called ‘night visits’ after only knowing him for a few months isn't that kind of, y’know, making yourself seem a little too eager? Too easy?”

“You’re one to talk. Yeah I guess it’s not considered to be the most respectable thing to do, but it’s not like I’m asking the whole student body to suddenly get to know me intimately. I told Naminé, I told this guy, and we’re not just going to meet and have sex.”

“I’m just going to pretend that I didn't hear you basically imply I was easy,” I had said. I also had a sneaking suspicion that it was probably getting way too close to the start of my English class but hadn't of wanted to leave Roxas hanging. “I get it. If anyone asks, this mystery guy is my prime real estate. Just don’t expect me to do lovey dovey shit with a stranger outside of opening the door and saying ‘hey, what’s up’.”

“That’s all I’m really asking for. Uh... thanks Sora.”

After that he had left the bathroom, leaving me to scramble for clothes and the needed class essentials before running down the halls. As I had suspected beforehand, Professor Zexion hadn't been too pleased that I was late to his class. Warned me about consecutive late marks and that it didn't look promising to be a 1st year and already start to have attendance issues.

I had tried my best to not be embarrassed as all hell as I felt the fire under my cheeks and picked a random empty seat closest to the door. I remember slouching so far down that my ass might as well have been planted on the floor. The other students gawking and laughing hadn't of helped any.

In fact, once I spotted teal eyes warm with humor staring _right at me_ I had actually thought that maybe that random black hole wouldn't have been so bad. At least I would have been spared of the shame that came with being utterly called out by your professor in front of Sex on Legs.

It figured that the first time I had ever been late to class was on a day when Zexion’s favorite mystery novel went missing. Rumors had it that he always got grumpy if he didn't read at least a couple chapters a day, even though he’d probably read it through multiple times already.

That had been on Tuesday.

The rest of the week went by uneventfully, and Roxas never once bring up our bathroom talk. Apparently he and mystery guy were still talking about details and it was then, as I was currently lounging at my desk ogling problems that were probably made for Einstein, that I realized Roxas was eventually going to get _really_ acquainted with a probably hot 2nd year while I toasted my brain trying to figure out algebra.

It was a Saturday night and most of the students were out doing whatever university students did: go out, get drunk, get frisky with that ‘alcohol is making you look really sexy right now’ stranger in a hot tub just to forget about it after waking up in your own puke the next morning. Minus the getting frisky with random strangers part of the ordeal the idea of partying on a Saturday was something I could really get behind.

It beat math, anyway.

I noted earlier as Roxas was explaining his plans for tonight that it wouldn't hurt to go out. The only issue was that I didn't really have anyone to go out _with_. I knew where the party Roxas and his friends (Hay Bail, Pens, and Omelet, affectionately) went to was taking place, so I figured that if anything they probably wouldn't mind my company. After all, Roxas did invite me. Whether that was because he wanted to be considerate or not it didn't matter.

I decided that I didn't need to dress up. My faded black jeans and my gray t-shirt - with the coolest image of a cat with aviator shades that Roxas once again couldn't believe I actually bought with actual money - was all I really needed.

Before slipping on my favorite pair of red converse I fished through the front pocket of my maroon university sweatshirt that I threw on my bed trying to look for my math book earlier that night. Just in case Roxas and the gang wasn't up for some quality Sora time, I sent a quick text to the only other person who I knew for sure would be up for a drink or two.

 **[to Kairi] 10:14pm**  
if you’re not busy you should consider stopping by the freshman party tonight  
**[to Kairi] 10:15pm**  
not only is it a great excuse to not be lame and study all night, but it’s also an invite to spend time with an always stunning and ready to have a good time gentleman  
**[to Kairi] 10:15pm**  
(me)

Pushing the phone into my jeans pocket I loosely wrapped my sweatshirt around my waist. I overheard in the halls that it could get moderately chilly tonight, and even if I never ended up using it I could always be the good guy and loan it to someone who might.

Although, lending it to someone might result in me never getting it back. Even though they’re expensive as fuck, and were definitely warm and snug. But before I could start off on a monologue weighing the quality and price gauges of university sweatshirts, my phone signaled what was hopefully confirmed party plans with my best friend.

 **[from Kairi] 10:17pm**  
you’re a nerd

I frowned. I waited. One minute. Two minutes. Three. A thought that she rejected my very obvious plea for companionship almost broke my heart until she finally replied again.

 **[from Kairi] 10:20pm**  
only a couple drinks. i’m not getting smashed  
**[from Kairi] 10:21pm**  
my roommate talked about it earlier. i know where it is. i’ll meet you there :)

When we met up at the party, she looked as pretty as always. Her short red hair looked bright and freshly dyed, making her blue eyes pop with the help of her minimalist mascara and eye shadow. Her bangs were swept to one side being held in place by a simple black clip.

She wore her favorite pair of denim shorts with fake pockets that fit her thighs perfectly along with a simple white tank top with straps designed to hang off her shoulders, revealing hot pink bra straps. She smiled warmly as she hugged me.

“I feel like I should have worn my skinny jeans instead of these shorts,” she said. “It's a lot colder than I thought it'd be”

There was a clearing behind the blitzball field that was fairly accommodating for a bonfire party. People were branched off in clusters of cliques and drunks. I only recognized a few faces as people that shared a couple classes with me throughout the week. It didn't take me long to spot Roxas and his friends immediately, sitting on logs that surrounded the fire.

I felt a bit bad now for Kairi’s sake, since the hall chatter from earlier proved to be somewhat worth listening to as the night air was crisp and a bit chilled. I handed her the sweatshirt that was around my waist and she smiled. “Ever the gentleman, aren't you?”

“You know I try.” I didn't have to mention that I wanted it back the next day. Kairi always had a knack of being able to pick up on unsaid things like that. She and I were attached at the hip growing up, so it made sense to friends and family that we’d end up attending the same university together. Kairi was also Naminé’s cousin, and it’d been through her that Naminé and Roxas met.

Speaking of the blond terror I affectionately called my brother, he raised a hand motioning for Kairi and I to join him and his friends around the fire. I could easily tell that it had been Hayner, in fact, that pointed us out.

“So you came after all,” Roxas stated, lazily watching as we sat on the empty log to their left.

“Yeah, I figured it wouldn't hurt to set my math book aside for the night. Or the rest of the year.” Hayner offered Kairi a beer though she politely declined. I, however, accepted though beer was never really my thing. The taste was bitter as it went down my throat. “Some kind of party if the only refreshment is plain ass beer.”

“Seifer and his friends are supposed to be bringing some Fireball by the end of the hour. Some people have said that Setzer got his hands on some hard liquor too but he hasn't shown up yet. That’s when things are probably going to pick up.” Pence regarded us with a friendly smile.

From what Roxas told me, Pence wanted to make a career out of working with computers. Said he had a natural talent when it came to technology and that he often regarded his classes as “being too easy” or “not all that challenging”. This encouraged him to periodically skip class just to stay in his room and program.

He was a little on the chubby side and wore what looked to be a sweatband around his forehead at all times. It was a little weird considering it made his hair spike oddly at the top while the rest lay flat on his neck. Roxas mentioned that even though I wore stupid shirts Pence probably took the cake, stating that he still didn't know what a ‘DOGSTREET’ even was and Pence wasn't telling.

Olette went quiet as soon as we arrived. It probably had to do with the fact that she still felt really guilty about outing me to half the dorm even though I honestly couldn't care less anymore. If anything, it was probably better that it happened. No surprises for when I decide I want to get back into the dating game.

She wanted to be a teacher. Kindergarten in specific. I remember that Roxas sneered at the idea, not being able to comprehend why she would want to surround herself with loud, boisterous kids that weren't hers.

She was pretty ordinary as far as looks went. Brown medium length hair that she parted in the back so it’d rest on her shoulders. Eyes as green as ever and she apparently had a love for floral tank tops and khakis.

I didn't know much about Hayner. All Roxas told me was that they were starting to get close and he could easily see himself calling him his best friend. When he wasn't laughing at Roxas’s jokes, he usually had this bored, stuck up expression that didn't make him many friends. He and Seifer had some sort of feud going on but Roxas chose to not tell me much about it.

He had sandy blond short hair that was styled in a way that always made him look like he stood in front of a fan each morning and used hairspray to keep it in place. He also had an unhealthy obsession with camo. In fact the only thing that wasn't camo was his black tank top under his vest.

The most shameful part of it all was that no one, not even Roxas, gave Sir Hay Bail the notice that his shoes were the embodiment of sin. Now, being a fairly accepting, usually nonjudgmental guy even I found the atrocities on his feet to be a little too much to be okay with.

Who the fuck told him that wearing camo Crocs was a good idea?

Poor footwear choice aside, Hayner and the other two of Roxas’s friends definitely seemed like decent enough people. At first glance they wouldn't strike you as the type of group grumpy ‘what the fuck do you want’ Roxas would choose to hang out with.

The next half hour was spent enduring Hayner’s dry jokes and Roxas’s sarcasm. Olette moved to sit next to Kairi as they both talked about their majors and where they saw themselves in ten years. It hurt my head just to think about the future that far ahead (mostly because I still wasn't completely sure with what _I_ wanted to do yet). Boy talk would have been a lot more welcome than talk about class.

True to Pence’s word, Seifer and his own little gang - a semi-burly man who had an annoying habit of saying “y’know” after every sentence and a quiet girl who had an annoying habit of not really saying anything at all even when formally addressed - showed up with perfect timing.

Hayner’s mood turned sour as soon as the beanie-wearing man offered a round of Fireball shots. Kairi stopped at two whereas I felt adventurous and stopped at three. It was going to be four but one pointed look from Kairi told me that I better not.

Alka-Selzter or whatever his name was didn't actually pull through on the rumored hard liquor. Instead, he showed up with a few bags of cheap wine but it seemed to sate most of the party goers.

A couple hours passed and we enjoyed our time by the fire. Kairi scooted closer to me when it got colder though I didn't mind. I imagined that to anyone else we probably looked pretty snug. Other people who heard through the grapevine that I was far from a straight arrow likely laughed at us. I’d be the first to shout how great of a catch Kairi was so it didn't surprise me that people would think I was a joke for not making any moves on her.

However the idea of sleeping with someone who was practically my sister never appealed to me.

Around 2:30 a good half of the students had gone back to their dorms. The leftover drunks were slowly getting drunker and I could have sworn a couple was shagging in a bush somewhere. It was also easily possible that those sounds were in fact the too far gone drunks whose faces were making out with the freshly cut grass.

Seifer was the first to initiate conversation after everyone had gone silent for a while. Most seemed content to just be in everyone’s company (except Hayner who never once stopped glaring daggers at Beanie). The fire was dying down since the firewood ran out about ten minutes ago.

“So did you guys hear about what happened between Tidus and Yuna?” Tidus and Yuna were second years. Tidus was the co-captain of the blitzball team and was second to none on the field except for Wakka. Kairi and I knew Tidus and Wakka well since the four of us grew up together on the islands back home.

Hayner huffed like he didn't care about what Beanie had to say. It was promptly ignored as Roxas decided to be nosy. “I heard that they got caught doing something but no one ever said what it was. The RAs obviously aren't talking.”

“Well,” Seifer started as he grabbed the last beer from the cooler, “you know how everyone likes to say that Yuna’s kind of close-legged, right? Rumor has it that she and Tidus were caught fucking a couple days ago in the blitzball locker rooms. Yuna’s an RA herself, so it was pretty bad that not one, but two other RAs walked in on them, and they weren't alone either. A group of students were with them. One of the RAs reported her.”

“No waaaaay. I can’t imagine Yuna doing something that stupid. She seems like a pretty smart girl.”

Seifer nodded his head, eyes lighting up as if he hadn't even gotten to the best part yet. “Rumor also has it that she and Tidus were tipsy. Well, tipsy enough to shag and not care who saw at least. But that hasn't been confirmed nor denied by anyone yet.”

“Who were the RAs that caught them?” Roxas asked a little too eagerly. He glanced my way as if he knew that he slipped but looked away again fast enough to not meet my eyes.

“Riku and Larxene.” Eyeing his now empty beer bottle, Seifer threw it on the ground without a thought. I briefly wondered if anyone was going to bother picking up all the litter. Was this also part of what university staff had to deal with?

“It’s obvious that Larxene was the one who reported Yuna. She’d do anything if she thought there’d be a laugh in it for her,” Pence commented.

“Larxene had to work crowd control. Got the group they were touring around with out of there as fast as lightning while she made Riku stay behind and deal with Tidus and Yuna.”

“I’m not surprised,” Olette remarked thoughtfully. “There were a few second years in my class talking about how Larxene gets a kick out of making Riku deal with cases like that. Even more so when he’s stuck with having to type out the reports, too.”

“He seems like an okay guy.” There was a certain tone in Seifer’s voice that made me feel uneasy. He flicked his eyes in my direction as a crooked grin slowly worked its way onto his features. The corners of his mouth nearly reaching his eyes as they glowed with mischief. “I heard he’s a fag, too, which is why Larxene gives him such a hard time.”

Kairi tensed beside me. Subtly placing my hand on hers in an attempt to reassure her that it didn't bother me and a small smile was all I offered. Roxas, however, didn't feel the same. “I hope that was supposed to be your lame ass way of trying to crack a joke. If not then you should probably watch what the fuck you say so you don’t offend the wrong people.”

The air immediately weighed down with the sudden tension between the two. Hayner looked like he could spring up any second and slug Seifer right in the jaw if Roxas gave him the go ahead. He didn't though. He settled for engaging in a glaring contest with Beanie instead.

“So ragging on homos ruffles your feathers. Dully noted.” With that he stood, motioning his two other friends to stand with him. It was off putting how robotic they seemed in the way they obeyed Seifer like a couple of lost puppies, but I kept those thoughts to myself.

As he and his group started walking off he paused after a few steps. He turned around and regarded everyone with a shit-eating grin before saying, “As an apology, I will say this. And I’ll deny it if any one of you decide to flap your yaps about it tomorrow. Regardless of what I may have implied, I’ll be the first to admit Riku is a hot piece of ass. But like I said, I didn't say anything.”

With a snort Hayner mumbled a none-too-nice “good riddance” as they walked out of view. The last licks of flame from the bonfire were barely clinging to life as we all made the mutual silent agreement that we should head back to our rooms soon.

But one question nagged at me...

“Who’s Riku?”

Roxas slapped his forehead.  
  


* * *

  
“Tonight.”

Roxas currently stood in front of the small TV we managed to smuggle in late one night that sat atop our joint dresser. Stifling a sigh, the PS3 controller fell from my hand as I disinterestedly watched my character yell to his death due to the zombie currently feasting on his neck. Kairi spared us a glance before returning her attention back to her exam notes from her position on my bed, lying on her stomach and tucking a bright red lock of hair behind her ear.

“...Tonight?”

It’d been about a month since the bonfire party. Part of me wasn't surprised that Roxas was being vague, especially with his slip at the party where he knew he almost revealed too much about something and that I picked up on it. He had every right to be suspicious.

It was easy to see that his vagueness now, however, was related to Kairi still being in the room. His glances in her general direction more or less were hints that she should pack her things and leave to her own room already, but even Roxas wasn't the type to just kick her out verbally. He opted to try and make the atmosphere as awkward as possible and hope that she’d catch the hint.

Being Kairi, she did. With a grace that was her own she lifted herself up and off the bed while she silently gathered her things to put in her satchel. She smiled warmly to the both of us, thanked me for letting her hang out and said, “You’ll beat that part eventually Sora!” with a laugh as she quietly closed the door.

“Now that you basically kicked my friend out, care to elaborate more on what you mean by tonight?” I tried really hard not to sound annoyed. Really, I did.

“The guy I mentioned who might be starting to come over like a month ago or whenever it was that I told you,” he started nervously. “He’s going to come over tonight. To just... I don’t know, hang out.”

Ah, mystery guy. Roxas still hadn't told me much about him and I almost completely forgot he existed. After the bonfire I tried to make sense of Roxas’s anxious glance, tried to figure out why it was such a big deal that he asked a seemingly innocent question. When we had returned to our room that night he made it a point to ignore me and head straight for bed lest he provide me with more accidental clues.

I didn't really see the issue, though. Especially now that tonight was the night I’d actually meet him face to face. I was able to piece together a few tidbits however. Such as the fact that as soon as Seifer had mentioned RAs Roxas perked up. So it led me to believe that mystery guy likely had a close association with them... and by close association I mean probably was one.

Then I thought, if I truly didn't know who this guy was then why did Roxas get so nervous as if I did? The only RA that I had ever spoken to had been Sex on Legs (who I discovered at the bonfire was actually the RA named Riku, only after Roxas scolded me for ogling instead of paying attention when he introduced himself while we were moving in), but that was only once or twice and was typically a 40 second reminder about a weekend event the hall was hosting.

He and Roxas seemed to get along well enough if I actually thought about it. They certainly talked often and not once had I ever gotten the vibe that Roxas disliked him. What they talked about I had no clue.

But Roxas couldn't have been thinking about fooling around with Riku, right? A guy as pretty as him could have had any number of partners before Roxas without really batting an eyelash to get them. Girls and boys alike lining up outside his room hoping he’d invite one of them in.

A guy like that, I mused, had to know a thing or two about being with people. Then again maybe that was exactly _why_ he could be interested in Roxas. Roxas, who had no real strings attached and was still thinking about possibly marrying his girl back home. Roxas, who could be seen as a good opportunity to fuck and run with a simple “it won’t work out, go back to your sweetheart.”

Although, I could be looking way too much into things. Of course Roxas and Riku would have talked occasionally, since a major part of Riku’s job as an RA was to, well, talk to people.

Roxas’s cell went off in his pocket. His hands shook with subtlety, eyes scanning the screen before wordlessly disappearing in the bathroom. With a raised brow I said nothing while picking up the forgotten controller as I remained sitting on the edge of Roxas’s bed, ready to continue in my vigilante justice against the undead, until:

“You better not start playing that stupid game again! He just texted that he’ll be here soon.”

A dramatic sigh was my only response. In the back of my mind I could only hope that mystery guy knew I’d be a quiet third wheel on their little stay-in date, otherwise things would get pretty awkward pretty fast if I had to deal with my brother tongue dancing together with his friend just a mere few feet away.

Stopping myself from thinking much on that visual image, then getting up to retrieve my own phone that lay abandoned on my desk to text Kairi and make sure she made it back alright, soft knocks resonated throughout the room.

Scrambling could be heard in the bathroom; the sound of something falling to the floor accompanied with a loud yell of “Fuck!” to be heard soon after. Roxas cracked the bathroom door open, making extra sure to keep his voice hushed as he heatedly whispered, “God damn he’s quick. He literally sent me that text like two minutes ago.” When I didn't make a move to answer the door right away he added, “Well fucking answer it. Invite him in and tell him I’ll be out in a minute or something.”

He disappeared as quickly back into the bathroom. Vaguely I thought to myself that I felt too tired to want to deal with any of this. Maybe they’d respect my need to take a nap and would keep it quiet or something.

I adjusted my too-expensive-yet-very-quality uni sweatshirt, feet trudging their way to the door; one last glance at the now closed bathroom door before my mouth opened to greet Roxas’s guest with a polite enough hello, my eyes meeting electric teal signifying that the stranger wasn't really a stranger.

My head reeled while a simultaneous phantom drop swirled in my gut. The only thing I could really process was that Adonis himself had knocked on my door, the great Sex on Legs, and that he must have come here for _Roxas_.

When our eyes met he looked as tired as I secretly started to feel, hair down and as silver as always, a university sweatshirt matching my own that looked a half size too big and gray sweatpants made him seem like all he wanted to do was go to his dorm and sleep.

Even though I knew he was here to chat up my brother, I still couldn't deny that even in practically sleep clothes he was utterly attractive. A brief thought of sneaking to his room after a long night of studying to curl against his chest before I blinked and it was gone. Our eyes met again, this time his visage showing slight impatience that prompted me to realize I still haven’t invited him in.

He opened his mouth to speak and I only hoped I could pay attention this time versus our actual first meeting some time ago. “Sora, right?”

My teeth met the flesh of my lip as all my eyes wanted to do was focus on the movement of his own lips; more invasive thoughts of stealing quick kisses before rushing off to our classes. I tried to rationalize that it was normal for me to jump head first into impossible fantasies given that I haven’t been with anyone in over half a year. However it didn't make me feel less guilty when reminding myself that this was Roxas’s conquest and not mine.

“Uh... yeah. Yeah.” I cursed at how lame I must have sounded, but if he thought the same he didn't show it. Still hadn't invited him in; he still didn't seem like he cared or that he was bothered by it. He said something then, whatever it was lost to the white noise in my brain as I watched his strong jaw move in time with his words, snuck glances at his Adam’s apple as it bobbed against his throat (and imagined what sounds he’d make if he let me kiss it).

He repeated my name in a questioning tone, sounding as though he might have been slightly concerned about the sudden ‘I've mentally checked out’ look that must have formed on my face by now. But how I was I supposed to explain that I couldn't think straight let alone answer when the only thoughts that were currently registering all involved my willingness to do not so appropriate things with our RA (who I barely knew), some of which humoring being totally okay with the idea of what it’d be like getting into his pants?

A silver brow arched slowly along with the sound of clumsy footsteps behind me. Footsteps and what suspiciously sounded like a snort that made my own brows furrow in confusion.

“Jesus Sora,” Roxas said between snorts. If he was trying not to laugh he was doing a very bad job of it. “I knew that you probably thought he was hot but damn.”

“Wh-- What the fuck?”

“Don’t look at me like I let some cat out of the bag.” He was still holding back laughs, blue eyes as fierce as mine glinting with unrestrained amusement. “You should probably consider consulting Freud because that was one hell of a slip.”

Freud? Slip? As soon as I opened my mouth to ask him what the hell he was talking about it, it clicked. A sharp intake of my own breath with my mouth hanging agape, my eyes glued to the floor, my cheeks flaring worse than that day I was late for English class. Did Riku find this amusing too?

More importantly, did it even matter at this point? Riku hadn't moved from his spot in the hall, arms now crossed. A chanced glance at his face showed me that his eyes held sympathy, but the small upturn of mouth did in fact solidify he thought it was at least mildly funny.

“I... I didn't mean that. Well, I guess I sort of did--” a quick curse on my end as that probably wasn't helping my case any, “look, sorry. You can forget I said anything. I would actually appreciate it if you did.” Where was that black hole when I really needed it?

He shifted his weight. “I won’t, but I'll make sure not to mention it.” It was then that he extended his arm to offer me a sheet of paper. I made extra sure to try and not pay attention the riding up of his sweatshirt sleeve, revealing creamy pale skin - _no, no, the last thing I need is to over think and embarrass myself even more_ \- and promptly took it. “I stopped by to drop that off. Just an update regarding a change to a few of our policies that you and Roxas can read over later. Make sure that both of you sign it and either hand it back to me directly or put it in my box by the end of the weekend.”

Roxas mumbled a joke about me having no qualms about putting _something_ in his box if you knew what he meant, but a swift paper to the face shut him up and I ground my teeth together. I was sure my cheeks were still stained pink from my initial outburst. What I didn't need right now was for Roxas to start making innuendos.

“Alright, well you guys have a good night. If you have any questions about the changes my door’ll be open for the next couple of hours --”

“Yooooooo, Riku!” The loud voice prompted a grimace from him. He looked sharply to his right brought up his index finger and placed it against his lips. “Aaah right, right, keep the peace, et cetera, et cetera. You finishing up your rounds tonight?”

“Yeah,” came his simply reply. Roxas had gone oddly silent behind me. Glancing behind I noticed him make the short trek to his side of the room, seeming pretty intent on camouflaging into the wall. “You took tonight off, right?”

“That I did, Reeks.” Riku squinted at the nickname though remained silent. He regarded the arm that draped over his shoulders with little interest as the whole body came into view.

He was definitely the more dressed up of the three of us. A black leather jacket with safety clips fastened through the fabric of the front pocket, a simple dark gray wife beater that hugged his torso tight and just right. Ripped white jeans with a red studded belt, his fiery long hair held up in a pony tail with strands that framed his face. Plain black boots completed his outfit, but I didn't pay them too much attention since the main focus of his appearance had to have been that hair that far rivaled Kairi’s in vibrancy.

His acidic green eyes scanned the room as if looking for something. It took me a moment to realize he also had two upside-down purple triangles tattooed high on his cheeks under both eyes. I wondered what the story behind those were, but was too caught up in the waves of sex appeal that rolled of him without him even needing to try.

His eyes locked onto Roxas, mouth curling up into a smirk. “Hey, Roxas.”

Said brother acted as though he hadn't heard him. A moment passed before I realized that this guy, this sex god in his own right was the _real_ mystery guy. One look and I could totally understand why Roxas was so shook up, so nervous and anxious over him. If I had potential plans to hit a home run with this sexy as fuck stranger I’d probably feel the same.

Not that I was really interested about how this guy was in bed. There was no denying he was good looking, that was for sure, but I couldn't really picture him fitting into my early fantasies. Not as well as Riku did but I was going to stop myself there.

“Again, I need those read, signed, and handed in by the end of the weekend. And you,” a pale hand pointing to the still-smirking redhead, “know the visitation rules. And for the love of God, Axel, if I get any complaints...” He trailed off here, and I could only assume that mystery guy - now known as Axel - would understand whatever he was hinting at.

“You guys sure hit the jackpot having Riku as one of your RAs,” Axel mocked jokingly. The arm that he draped over Riku’s shoulders moved so he could pinch his friend’s cheek. “I’ll play by your rules, Quick Silver.”

Riku didn't seem completely convinced but the answer was enough for him to give a short nod and start making his way down the hall. On impulse, I called after him hastily with a “Goodnight, Riku.” I mentally slapped myself afterwards. Part of me felt that I shouldn't have called after him at all. It wasn't like I _knew_ him well enough, but maybe he'd take it as a friendly gesture to alleviate the awkwardness from minutes ago.

He turned with a quick wave and a small smile before resuming his leisurely pace down the hall. “Night Sora.”

Axel leaned against the door frame, eyes never once leaving Roxas. I stepped to the side and swung my arm with a motion that invited him in, absently pinching the bridge of my nose, noting that I’d no doubt be plagued with a headache by the night’s end and I could already feel it.

The door closed behind him with a soft _click_. He made his way to Roxas as I flopped down face first onto my bed, hopelessly trying to figure out how I was ever going to be able to face Riku in class let alone the halls after that earlier mishap.

Axel took a seat next to Roxas on his bed. I wouldn't admit that part of me was a little jealous; just a little teeny tiny bit jealous of their closeness as they spoke in relatively hushed tones about how Axel’s day went and touched on Roxas’s tests in the coming month.

I also wouldn't admit that an equally small part of me couldn't get amused teal eyes out of my head. Not even when I closed my eyes as tight as I could make them and blocked out the hushed whispers.

Because even when I managed to force myself to sleep just to put the night behind me all I dreamed about were electric teal eyes and pale skin, features brightening over breakfast salads in the cafe and poorly thought out jokes on my part, my tanned fingers entwining with pales ones on the tabletop.

When I woke up in the morning I cursed myself at how much of a sap I was. Then how dead I was going to be when it registered that my bedside digital clock signaled I’d be late for Zexion’s class again that morning.

I only hoped that this time he had a close watch on his mystery novel.


	2. Oh, what a mess!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: this is hella late, language, awkward adult tries to explain safe sex to other awkward adults, extreme embarrassment: a novel by sora, stupid dumb smiles on stupid dumb faces.

**I NEVER USED TO BELIEVE** all those horror stories college kids spewed about exams. Not even when my uncle went back to college during my junior year of high school, locking himself away for two grueling weeks at a time in the guest bedroom he used when he was forced to stay with us due to financial troubles; emerging only to filch my dad’s morning coffee and Mom’s late afternoon tea with dark circles under his eyes that made him look like Death (not to mention his lack of hygiene which made him smell like it, too).

I had even laughed when that very same uncle visited us again a year later, still going to school himself but slowly getting back onto his own two feet, as he took a seat at the kitchen table recalling exam horror stories of his own while Roxas and I were filling out enrollment applications. Some of his stories seemed too outlandish to be real, one being of a girl who took a nap during her lunch break and landed face first into her own pudding while spewing out mathematical equations in her sleep. I wanted to think that he was just trying to mess with us - he had that type of reputation in the family so I wouldn’t have been surprised.

Roxas, on the other hand, had paused in his attempts to fill out the applications, focused instead on our uncle’s tales. I made fun of him then as his eyes grew wide and panicky, firmly believing every word that came out of the old man’s mouth. Trying to reassure him “there’s no way it could be _that_ bad” had taken several minutes, but sure enough he had picked his pen back up and made it a point to ignore further stories from our uncle.

So it only made sense that now, during the first week of our own university exams, Roxas stood next to my desk in our room, arms crossed, scowl firmly set into place with a gleam in his eyes that read ‘I’m currently thinking of a hundred different ways to hurt you’ and he hissed, “It most certainly _is_ that bad.”

Axel’s laughter could be heard from Roxas’s side of the room and I could only grimace at the poison laced in my brother’s tone. “In all fairness,” I started, “at least no one’s slept in their lunch pudding yet, right?”

Roxas didn’t move, didn’t bother to retort back and settled for glaring me down for an extra couple of minutes before Axel managed to pull him back to his own desk to resume his studies. Said redhead was a common sight to see in our room now, sometimes coming over even when Roxas was in class just to get away from his roommate.

One particular afternoon he had burst in waving his arms all over the place with a dramatic sigh, complaining about “that fruity pink-haired sexiling piece of shit” and his lack of consideration for Axel’s beauty sleep. I came to the conclusion that Axel was in fact a pretty nice guy. The sex appeal he oozed when I first met him had toned down considerably, or perhaps that had just been me getting over the shock of seeing him for the first time and mentally putting the pieces together.

In reality, while Axel was often sarcastic and his preferred way of speaking was by being blunt and sometimes borderline crude, he typically made an effort to be considerate of other people (unlike the fruit he shared a room with, he’d add). He and Roxas had a lot in common, even if their personalities clashed every now and then. It didn’t take them long to get close at all.

Roxas insisted that they had never gone beyond second base. It was no secret that they were definitely touchy-feely if Roxas’s hickeys were anything to go by. I tried telling myself that I didn’t care, that I wasn’t interested in the slightest about how my brother’s love life was progressing, but even I had to admit to myself that part of me was a little curious. The curiosity itself only stemmed from the fact that Roxas was at least getting _something_ , while I, in all my tanned and lean glory, stayed in my room all night getting nothing.

Whenever I even thought about chatting up a cute guy I noticed over the weekend, teal eyes would briefly catch mine in passing in the hallway, and any further thought would come to a screeching halt. In all honesty it infuriated me. From that fateful slip a couple of weeks ago, I only managed to talk to Riku a few times. He always seemed to be on the run; _going here, going there, I’ve got a lecture at 2:30 that I can’t miss, have you seen so-and-so I need to go over event plans, we’ll talk later okay?_

After the first few run-ins, it didn’t take long to figure out that “later” would never come. Riku held true to his silent promise not to mention the slip, but I could tell with the way he regarded me or subtly brushed me off that _something_ about me was suspicious to him. It was almost like he tried to make sure he always had an errand to run or someone to see, if only to have an excuse.

And I drew this conclusion because Axel was never that busy, as an RA himself. Somehow he always found the time to visit Roxas or meet him for lunch. I never bothered to ask how he managed his time, but surely if Axel could do it then Riku could spare a thought out hello right?

What infuriated me even more about the whole situation was that I knew, deep down, that I was trying to get him to acknowledge me as a higher priority than I actually was. Me, who was an acquaintance at best. And I didn’t know _why_.

It had to be more than just his looks. _What_ drew me to him so fiercely, like a clumsy moth to a flame? It seemed the best way to explain the way things were unfolding lately. I was the moth, Riku the flame, and every time I tried getting close he burned me; whether he knew he was or not. I wondered if Riku ever gave this any thought, too.

I stared down at the English packet on my desk with disinterest.

“Do you need help with your exam review, too?” Axel was sincere in his question, but I didn’t exactly have it in me to tell him that I couldn’t focus on literature because I was too caught up in frustrating thoughts of his best friend.

When Roxas spoke, however, his mock was clear as day. “I think he’s just distracted because of the sexual dry spell he’s forced himself into.”

No attempt was made to hide my scowl as I glared over at him. Blue and green stared back too intensely and I forced myself to look at the floor. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just haven’t been able to--”

“--get your head out of your ass and ask Riku out.”

I ground my teeth together, and for the life of me tried to make a conscious effort to keep my inner turmoil just that. “Okay look, it’s not that easy to just--”

“But it is that easy.” He swiveled in his chair to look at me fully. “How hard is it to walk up to the guy and say ‘hey, I know that slip was weird but I genuinely want to get to know you’? You’re acting really off and this isn’t like you at all.”

“...I know.”

“Then go find him and talk to him. Quit sulking around; it’s really starting to piss me off.”

 _It only pisses you off because my sulking means I’m constantly here. My constantly being here means you can’t get hands-on ‘tutoring’_... is what I wanted to say, but I knew better. Arguing with Roxas was pointless. From the day we were born his most prominent trait had been his unwavering stubbornness.

“I’ve tried a few times, but it doesn’t really matter. He’s just always busy. It’s really whatever.”

My head throbbed in anticipation for whatever Roxas opened his mouth to say next. Thankfully, due to some mysterious higher power working its subtle magic, I didn’t have to hear it. Axel put his hand on Roxas’s shoulder, effectively stopping said blond so he could speak instead.

“Riku’s always been a real busy body. Gets anxious when he sits around for too long, and that’s partially why he signed up to be an RA in the first place. Larxene doesn’t even pull half of her own weight which leaves more on his plate than usual since he covers for her a lot.”

I wanted to tell them that it _really wasn’t a big deal_ , that I’d eventually forget about teal eyes and that small smile when I managed to catch him and say hello, and furthermore I was probably just blindsided by how immediately attracted I found myself to be and it threw me for a temporary loop. But one look at Roxas and I knew that he wouldn’t let it go, not until I “grew a pair” and actually left the room sometimes instead of continuing my fast growing legacy of being a hermit.

Part of me recognized that not all of his insisting was because he wanted to be alone with Axel. Out of the two of us, I never had a problem approaching people. I even played a part in Roxas and Naminé truly getting to know each other when he himself experienced what I was going through now. A small part of him also likely hated that he was basically dealing with how he used to be, which only pissed him off more.

“Riku is probably one of the only RAs who gives a shit about his job, and he’s under a lot of pressure to not fuck it up, y’know?”

This earned a questioning glance from Roxas, and when he stopped glaring at me it felt like it got immensely easier to breathe. Roxas didn’t really get how intense he was, even for me. “What do you mean by that?”

Axel only shook his head. “It’s not really my place to air his laundry.” He stole a quick glance at my bedside clock before continuing, “It’s Sunday night, right? I think he mentioned taking the night off and staying at the library to catch up on some work. If you’re lucky you might be able to convince him that your study ethic is pathetic as shit and you need help.”

I opened my mouth to add that I didn’t actually need help with literature, but before I could get a word out he added, “I said _convince_. Got that memorized? You guys have that class with Zexion, right? He’s probably already finished that packet and it’d be an excuse to let you sit with him.”

“I-I wouldn’t even know where to look in the library. That place is huge, so really--”

“I think he mainly likes the west side, near the big windows. Hey, maybe you could ask him why. It’d be an easy enough topic starter.” The devious smirk he sent my way only proved to frustrate me more. What did a guy have to do to get them to understand that I really, really didn’t think this was--

Before I could finish that thought, Roxas was already moving. When he stood, it was forceful and determined; pushing back on his swivel chair hard enough to make it roll from the desk to the foot of his bed. I didn’t have any time to get distracted by it, though, since before I knew it Roxas started to lift me up from my own chair. He remained silent, not even grunting as he placed his hands under my armpits and lifted.

Then, as if to discourage me from sitting back down, he swiftly kicked away my chair, the sudden clack as it hit the wall deafened by the sheer look Roxas gave me. It was almost as if he was mocking me, unspoken this time, challenging me to defy him while his fierce blue eyes promised that I’d regret it if I did.

All I could do was stand and stare, because this was new. Roxas had never gone so far to prove a point to me before, or at least had never been as forceful. Axel still sat at Roxas’s desk and not once seemed like he was going to intervene. He watched with mild interest, probably half-expecting Roxas to land a nice solid punch on my jaw. For a split second, I did too.

He surprised both of us by gathering my class books and study packet neatly, shoving them into my arms, turning me around, hands flat on my back marching me to the door of our dorm. “Now, what I want you to do,” he whispered, tone low as he reached around me to open the door, “is to go to the fucking _library_.”

He shoved me lightly into the hall. When I finally had a few seconds to regroup my thoughts Roxas had already went back inside, slamming the door shut without so much as another word. The hall was too quiet, too empty, and I had to make a choice.

I figured that awkwardly trying to confront Riku was a much safer risk to take than trying to go back into my room.

The library, when I arrived, was emptier than I thought it would be. All of the stories my uncle told us featured tables and cubicles filled with students, the rows of bookshelves packed with frantic and hasty young adults fighting over the same encyclopedia before getting promptly scolded and kicked out by the librarian.

While there were students here, there was only a third of what he led me to believe there’d be but I honestly wasn’t complaining. A few students roamed the tall looming bookshelves as others scribbled furious notes. I was largely ignored for the most part, which was definitely fine by me, begrudgingly making my way to the west side of the library.

I wasn’t quite sure why I was actually going through with it. It would have been easy to pick an empty table and attempt to get the literature packet done on my own and have Roxas be none the wiser. Deep down though I didn’t really want to chance it; a feeling in my gut told me that Roxas very well could have eyes and ears all over the place and likely would have found out in the end.

Riku was easy to spot. There he sat at the last table, next to the famous wall lined with windows that stretched from floor to ceiling; reading glasses sitting low on the bridge of his nose, silver hair pulled back into a loose bun. He decided to ditch the maroon university sweater today, instead opting to where a plain gray one in its place.

Honestly it seemed like a scene straight from a teenage romance novel, and it took all I had to resist rolling my eyes at the thought of it all. But it was enough to propel me to continue walking forward (if only to prove I had the balls enough), near startling Riku out of his concentration as my books landed with a loud thud on the table surface. We stared at each other for what must have been at least a few minutes; Riku not caring enough to hide the surprise he felt at my presence.

“My study ethic is pathetic as shit,” I muttered weakly. “There are some things I don’t get on our English packet. Axel told me you’d be here.” Riku remained quiet and continued to give me the same stare that he always did. The stare that relayed his reluctance to have me around. I broke our eye contact first, deciding that this had in fact been a stupid idea and that again, _I tried_ , and Roxas would have to make peace with that.

“ _You_ need help with the English packet?” He remarked with disbelief. “You have one of the best English scores in our class.” The tone he used put me on edge. It was the type of tone drenched with exasperation, and never before had I ever experienced the level of insignificance he made me feel with just two sentences.

I felt embarrassed, I felt like a bumbling idiot standing there, but even more than that I felt complete and utter disappointment at the realization that maybe all those other times Riku brushed me off it was him being _nice_. That was on-the-clock Riku, the Riku that had to be friendly because it was his job.

 _This_ Riku didn’t have to keep up appearances. And as far as I was concerned he wasn’t.

“Look, if you’d rather not I can go somewhere else,” I muttered with forced calm. “I just assumed that maybe you already had it done and we could compare, but it sounds like you’re not really interested so--”

“No, I--” he fumbled for words while running a hand down the length of his face (and it was only then that I really noticed how tired he looked), “I didn’t mean for it to come off like that.”

“It’s okay, I get it.” At this point, I knew it probably would have been wiser to stop - “I mean, you’re alone here so you don’t really have to pretend to be nice” - while I was ahead or else - “and I’ve always preferred being let down the hard way” - I’d likely end up saying something - “because if I’m just going to be rejected then there’s no real point in drawing it out, right?” - ...I’d regret. “Shit. Fuck, sorry, just... ignore all that. I didn’t come here to make things weird or awkward and you probably came here to be left alone anyway so I’ll just... leave, and you can get back to your studying. Sorry for being an asshat.”

I turned on my heels faster than I’d probably ever had before, face burning and gut churning in further embarrassment. Irritation started to swell in my veins at the fact that for some unknown reason, it was impossible for me to go one conversation with the guy without further digging myself a social grave. So why my body decided to betray my brain when Riku muttered a quiet, “Wait,” was beyond me.

I didn’t have to turn around to see the furrow in his brows, the tired wrinkle on his forehead as he used his free hand to rub at his temple. I did have to turn around, however, to see the slight movement of that same hand motioning to the seat across from him. The silence was awkward as I sat - being mindful enough to _gently_ place my books on the table this time - watching Riku sift through folders upon folders of school work, and I’m pretty sure I saw ‘advanced’ way more times than I could keep up with.

His too-teal eyes widened a fraction as if saying “a-ha!” while pulling out what I could only assume was our English packet. “I haven’t actually completed it yet,” he said sheepishly with hint of light laughter. “I only have the last page to do though.” He flipped the packet around a few times before setting it on the table, ignoring whatever assignment he had been working on prior.

Out of impulse I asked, “Out of curiosity, have you always needed the glasses? Or do they like, serve the purpose of making you feel studious? You know, in the ‘I’m wearing glasses so I have to be super intellectual right now’ way to trick yourself into caring about what you’re studying.”

There was an actual laugh this time, though muted since we were, understandably, in a library. “Unfortunately, no,” he answered with an absent touch to the rim of the glasses in question. “My nearsighted vision is completely piss-poor so I have to use them when I study. I don’t wear them in class because, well,” a light shrug, “I don’t really like the attention.”

Deciding that I couldn’t think of an appropriate enough response, I instead refocused our attention on our unfinished English packets. The packet, in all actuality, wasn’t difficult. It took us about thirty minutes to finish both of ours, not counting the pauses in which we used to gossip about the class in general; Riku recalling that in his first year, when Axel took the class, said redhead broke the record for ‘how fast someone can piss Zexion off’. All it took was one clumsy elbow smacking into the side of the professor’s morning coffee, thus tipping it over and soiling last year’s favorite book.

It was at the end of the story where I found myself falling in love.

...With Riku’s laugh, at least. See, the good thing about being in the library, sitting at a table next to the famous wall lined with windows on the west side late at night was that the librarian usually wasn’t paying attention to a couple university students sitting at the pretty-much-vacant row of tables, books and folders and loose papers scattered around in haphazard piles. So when Riku remembered Axel’s horrified expression as Zexion threatened to flunk him on the spot (and vaguely referencing a possible mysterious accident that could befall a certain someone’s beloved motorcycle), one arm curled around his side, the other preventing his glasses from sliding off of his nose, with electric teal eyes twinkling the brightest I had ever seen them Riku tipped his head back slightly and _laughed_.

It was the kind of laughter that made you laugh, too. What was special about Riku’s laugh, however, was that it didn’t have to be loud or boisterous to infect you. For the first time since high school I felt butterflies just _looking_ at him. Once he started to regain his composure (which was unfortunate, for me, since the only thing I wanted him to do was _keep smiling like that_ ) he made an off-hand comment about wishing he could have been there in person and that he was lucky someone had the quick wit to record it.

“To this day,” he began while lifting his glasses enough to wipe his eyes, “he still denies almost shitting himself in front of the whole class. He was walking on egg shells around Zexion for months afterward.”

“You know, I can totally see it,” I added, my words breathy and light.

“It didn’t help that Zexion sort of blackmailed him, too. When Axel found me that afternoon he was as white as a ghost and said ‘he’s totally going to tell everyone’ so fast that I almost couldn’t understand him.” Absently he began to rearrange and organize the mess on the table. “It took me a few minutes to realize what he meant by it.”

“Is this classified information? You’ll tell me so I don’t have to resort to begging, right?”

The corner of his mouth quirked upward slightly. “I’m not sure how well he’d take to me revealing his deep dark secrets, even if the person asking is his boyfriend’s brother.” When his gaze lifted from the newly organized papers to meet mine, my breath inaudibly caught in my throat. Eyes that were joyously warm just seconds ago were now lightly cooled with mischief. It was as if someone flipped a switch in the figurative breaker of his personality and I doubted Riku was even aware of it. “A little begging and you might convince me it’d be worth it to _accidentally_ let it slip.”

I concluded that as my blue stared back into his teal this year was quickly becoming the year of many firsts. Because for the - you guessed it - first time ever I found myself blanking on a response. Me, the self-titled flirt king extraordinaire, was at a loss of what to say. It was basically akin to showing up at a work meeting and finding out all your co-workers went on vacation without so much as a note. But _fuck_ , I wanted to say _something_ before he got the wrong idea about my too-awkward silence.

“Or,” he continued, voice still lingering on the same tone that further agitated the hordes of butterflies in my gut, “I could just tell you as long as you promise to help me think of an acceptable thesis for one of my finals.”

“You sure Axel would be okay with that?” I asked, trying my hardest to keep my voice level and seemingly unaffected by that _goddamn_ tone of his. It came out a notch above a whisper, though before Riku could pay any attention to it he was already beginning to say something else.

“I might have been too quick to judge you.” The sudden confession caught me off guard - considerably toned down the mood - but was a welcome distraction while my thoughts slowly started to sort themselves back out. “It’s uh, just... I said I wouldn’t mention it, but...”

My fingers nervously drummed on the table. “You’re alluding to the night I accidentally admitted to you being hot.”

“Amongst... other things, yeah.” I wondered if Riku’s resumed shuffling of his folders had any direct correlation to his own unease about the subject. To each their own, I supposed. “It’s just that it happens a lot. Maybe not having people say they want to bang me to my face,” I let out a snort here causing Riku to flash back a small smirk, “but it’s not uncommon for people to have gotten to know me and then bailed once they realized I wouldn’t sleep with them.”

“Tell me you won’t sleep with me,” I said impulsively. Riku looked at me as if I’d grown a second head, lips pursing in a thin line while holding my gaze. The shuffling of his folders ceased.

“I won’t sleep with you,” he replied, matter-of-factly. “Probably.” A pause while he cleared his throat. “I most likely will not sleep with you.” He broke our eye contact to stare at the ceiling. “Sorry.”

I smiled even though he wasn’t looking at me to see it, ‘ _probably_ ’ replaying in my head before I mentally filed it under ‘things to contemplate later’. “Then we’re fine, right?”

He met my eyes again. It didn’t take a master of reading people to know that he was very uneasy about the situation. I wasn’t sure what the best thing to say would be, to release even a little of the tension that had been taking residence in the air around us, so I decided that maybe I could take Roxas’s advice for once.

“I know that slip was weird,” I said slowly to make sure he got it, “but I do actually want to get know you. For you, and not to get in your pants.” Adding, “Probably.” Smirk growing as he rolled his eyes. “I most likely will want to get to know you for you.” I leaned back in my chair, stretching my legs before ending with, “But I can’t promise I won’t flirt. Sometimes. Because you know, you’re still pretty cute.”

“Cute?” Riku scoffed. He looked away briefly, only for a few seconds, before those cool eyes from earlier resurfaced, piercing straight through me and he smirked. “I’m not cute. I mean, I’m pretty fucking hot.”  


* * *

  
After that, things between me and Riku started leveling out pretty nicely. He stopped making excuses when we passed each other in the halls, and although he was a little apprehensive about the whole thing, little by little he found himself warming up to me.

And I was ecstatic.

You see, the more we talked the more I learned that Riku was more than just a pretty face. He was very smart, like really fucking intelligent, the kind of smart that went on to be Valedictorian of his high school and be voted ‘Most Likely to Succeed’ in his school’s yearbook. The kind of smart that said high school still probably displayed in the halls in a glass cabinet somewhere, inside holding a picture of a smiling senior Riku with all of his ribbons, mentions of scholarships, maybe even his entire graduation speech hung up next to it with a caption on the frame saying ‘this is who you outta be’.

Riku never confirmed nor denied any of my musings. He just simply stated that keeping up a 3.8 took a lot of work that being naturally smart couldn’t make up for. See, another thing about Riku, something I had a very hard time understanding, was that Riku was just way too humble for his own good.

Passed a hard-as-balls final with a 99%? Oh, he’d say, I didn’t actually think I’d pass it. Plus there was a lot I didn’t study for, he’d add. Then went on to reassure me that a 67% _wasn’t too bad_ considering the test difficulty and material that the professor _kindly_ didn’t let the class know was on it beforehand.

Turns out he was very self-conscious about things like that; being made a big deal over, being made out to be some ethereal creature instead of plain-old university student Riku. He never really spoke about his personal life much, and I never really gave him a reason to, but from what I managed to gather from our many side conversations is that his relationship with his father was rocky at best, and his mom miserable at being trapped at home having to raise his two younger brothers while also suffering from the typical parental anxiety of having your eldest brave the world on his own and prove that he doesn’t really need you.

Given that his relationship with his dad was far from great, Riku worked as an RA mainly for the free room and board. Scholarships definitely helped in terms of keeping him in school, but everything else he had to work for on his own. He admitted that it was tiring, that Larxene liked to pile 60% of her workload on him and never really gave a shit how he felt about it, and that honestly sometimes he wanted to quit.

The end of those conversations was always the same: yes I have problems, no I don’t really want to talk more about it, Sora stop snoozing and drooling over your English homework that’s _disgusting_.

That being said I learned early on to be silently impressed with his intellectual prowess instead of outwardly so. It was a feat even for me, but I could tell that he appreciated it all the same. Before either of us really knew it the phrase ‘best friend’ sort of plopped itself in our laps, and the best thing about it was that neither of us minded.

It seemed almost natural after a while. Sora and Riku, Riku and Sora; anyone from the outside looking in would have thought that we’d known each other our whole lives, growing up in a small town somewhere and having been friends since before we learned how to walk. Sometimes I found myself wondering how things would be if that were true, but they were fleeting mostly and I never bothered to mention it to Riku. I don’t think he’d really know what to say.

All in all, things were normal. Things were great. They were going really fucking well and Roxas never once let me forget that “if I hadn’t of kicked your ass out that night you wouldn’t be here right now.” I usually just rolled my eyes and pretended to be annoyed with his inflated ego. As it turned out it was probably what I should have kept doing. That fateful morning when my first thought was, _maybe I should actually tell him I appreciate him_ , which I was going to do at lunch, Roxas said it first.

“You know that I really appreciate you and everything you do for me, right, Sora?” He said. We decided to eat lunch at the cafeteria instead of taking it back to our room, it just being the two of us since Riku had a lecture _he couldn’t miss_ and Axel... well, I didn’t really know where Axel was. That being a good thing, since what Roxas announced immediately after almost made me choke on my cold ham and cheese sandwich. “Axel and I are going to have sex soon.”

It took Roxas a good two minutes of roughly patting my back before I could focus on something other than the fact that ‘student dies by ham and cheese sandwich’ had a high chance of making the university paper’s headlines the next day. When he took his seat across from me again it was obvious that he was nervous. Equally as obvious what that glint in his eye that promised, “you’re not gonna like what’s next.”

“Th-that’s um, uhhh... cool? I guess?” was all I could muster between lingering short coughs from my very near death experience. “Are you saying this because you need to kick me out for a night? Because if you are I could always ask Riku if it’s okay if I borrowed his floor.”

“Well... yeah, that, but...” Roxas swore under his breath, muttering “oh fuck it” before rushing out, “there’s a safe sex seminar this weekend that I want you to go to. All I need you to do is sit through it until the end and snag a couple of...” he winced, “supplies once it’s over.”

“You can’t get these supplies at a regular store because...?”

“Because through the seminar it’s going to be free. And stop staring at me like that, okay, I know this is weird as fuck to be asking of you.”

“Don’t you think you guys are jumping the gun a little here?” I asked. “I mean, it took you and Naminé a year and a half before you two... y’know.”

“Says the guy who lost his virginity to a dude after only dating for two months.”

“Yeah, but you’re not me. And I _told_ you that we got a little too happy after he found his dad’s whiskey and it’s still something I regret.”

Roxas didn’t respond back. Roxas didn’t have to. If there’s any disadvantage I’d acknowledge about having Roxas for a twin is that he’d been stuck to my hip since birth. What makes that a disadvantage is the sheer fact that Roxas knew how to play me. He knew me better than I knew myself most of the time, and he had no qualms over pushing certain buttons he’d learned over the course of our lives to make me cave.

Thus it was with nothing but a small whisper of, “I know I might be acting stupid, but you’re my brother Sora. I thought you’d understand...” that I found myself signing my name on a clip board of seminar attendees, picking the farthest seat in the back of the - surprisingly - semi-populated classroom slouched down in defeat.

They estimated the seminar to last about an hour and a half, an hour and a half too long honestly, my only claim to sanity being my and Riku’s witty back and forth banter via texting as he holed himself in his room to study (he always had to have his nose in one book or another). I decided to keep the seminar just between me and Roxas.

Half an hour in I was already regretting being an understanding older brother. Riku’s end went silent much to my dismay, which left me little options wherein I could distract myself. Eventually I settled for fidgeting with the tacky purple pin with gaudy print that read ‘PRACTICE SAFE SEX!’. Out of spontaneity I pinned it to the shoulder strap of my satchel that laid on the floor next me.

Roxas would no doubt be uncomfortable when he saw it, and part of me just wanted to see him be.

“Being adults, I’m sure you’re all aware of the dangers of unsafe sex. However, being that you’re all healthy young men and women, we’d be hard-pressed trying to convince you that abstinence is the utmost safest way to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy,” an older woman explained. She looked to be in her early fifties, accompanied by a much younger male who was probably around his late thirties, both in business wear. While the woman stood awkwardly at the front of the class, the man stood with confidence and a smile that he never once dropped since the beginning of the presentation.

“Not only would you be hard-pressed, but it’d be downright silly to tell adults they can’t engage in sex just because it’s safer not to,” he chimed in. The older woman’s look of disapproval did little to kill the man’s smile. “Most of you are likely here for participation credit,” he continued in an upbeat voice, “and that’s okay. Because the bottom line is that you all probably don’t give a shit what we have to say about being safe while having sex.”

“That being said,” the woman irritably intervened, “we’d still highly encourage safe practices. Practices such as always using a condom, making sure both you and your partner have routine tests to check for sexually transmitted diseases, and --”

“Lubrication is important, too.” The man’s grin grew twice its size at the widening of the woman’s eyes, shooting him a look as if to say ‘um, what?’. “And loooots of it.”

“For women it’s not really too much of an issue, but -”

“It never hurts to be prepared. You also have to recognize that sex isn’t limited to heterosexuals. So for any member of the LGBTQIA+ community that participates in sex lube should probably be somewhere on that list too.”

“O-Oh, well, yes, we were going to get to that.” She cleared her throat weakly, wringing her hands together like it was the only thing keeping her from ditching the presentation altogether. The man made her uncomfortable, that was for sure, though he was by far the most engaging of the two. “We even have samples you can take with you once you leave.”

“Which is iiiiiiiin,” he glanced up at the clock, “about 40 minutes.”

Their banter grew more amusing every minute. It was almost as though he was trying to see what things he could say to make her the most uneasy and unsure, like he was trying to prove something that none of us really cared about.

Riku was still off in the void somewhere, lost probably, but before I could get disappointed about it the man made an elaborate telling of the ‘best way to use the pull-out method successfully’, nearly making the other presenter choke on her own spit and was enough to shock her into silence for the rest of the seminar.

When it was finally, _finally_ over I sat back as I waited for the majority of the students to clear out of the classroom. The basket with Roxas’s ‘goodies’ were in the corner of the room near the door so students could grab what they needed as they walked out. So while the two presenters had their attention occupied, I zipped from my desk, hastily grabbing my satchel from the floor and fast-walked over to the foreboding basket of doom before they had time to even think about glancing at the door.

The basket had one small tube of lube (very small tube, like what the hell do they expect people to do with two small squirts of lube anyway? Cheapskates.), a few condoms, and a pamphlet going over what they tried to explain during the seminar. At first glance it didn’t seem like nearly enough, and I was determined that if Roxas had the nerve to force me into this situation, the least I could do was make sure he was damn well fucking stocked.

Next to the baskets they had individual piles of both the lube and condoms, and without really thinking too much into it - because let’s be real, if I had I would have just left without picking up anything - I grabbed two handfuls of the small tubes (because really these things were pathetically tiny) and one large handful of condoms, shoving them into my satchel before bolting out of the room with my head down.

I didn’t really bother trying to watch where I was going. The only thing I cared about then was getting back to my room and praying to whatever gods existed that no one saw me shovel sex supplies in my satchel like they were going out of style. Once I hit my hall, my shoulders lost some of their tension and my first immediate thought was _just a little more and I’m safe. A little more and I can forget I ever attended that stupid ass seminar and the only proof that I was ever there are the few bonus credits they’ll tack onto my record_.

For once, it seemed like life was taking it easy on me. A job well done, a good back on the back for ol’ Sora being the great, caring brother that he was for going the extra mile for his younger bro. My body was on autopilot at this point; not really caring who was around as long as they steered clear of my trek back to my room.

Just a few more steps and I’d be home free, just a few more and -- really, I should have learned by now that the universe could only be so kind and for me, that kindness had run out. And boy, did it prove it.

I barely had time to register what happened. Only knowing that my momentum was, obviously, nonexistent and suddenly my ass was on the floor with my tailbone feeling like it’d been hit with a hammer. It was easy to draw the conclusion that I very likely ran into someone in my haste to get back to my room, however the person who I imposed upon was already apologizing.

“I’m so sorry, I should have been paying attention to where I was going instead of looking at my... Sora?” Glancing up I met unmistakable teal eyes. Riku offered a hand to help me up, his eyebrows scrunching in concern. “Are you okay?”

 _No, my ass hurts_ , came out in the form of a whine while Riku helped lift me up off the floor. “Holy fuck, I mean you always looked like you were built as a brick wall but goddamn if you don’t feel like it, too.”

“Well, thanks I guess. And sorry again, neither of us were really paying attention. Oh, you dropped your satchel.” Riku made to bend over but stopped short. “Um, Sora?” Right there should have been my ultimate warning sign that something completely shitty was about to happen. Riku had that tone of voice he used when he was dealing with something unbelievable, something that he couldn’t believe he’d ever witness with his own two eyes. That small hint of laughter laced through it sealed the deal and my brain didn’t get the memo until he stated:

“Are... are all those, uh...” Riku had a hand raised to cover his mouth, trying to, and failing horribly, stifle the chuckles that threatened to bubble over into one of his Riku laughs if he gave it the chance.

“What are you talking about? Are all those what?” Not meaning to, I snapped in mild irritation, which, thankfully, Riku didn’t think nothing of.

He cleared his throat, closing his eyes as he steadied his breath to say, “Are... Are all those your condoms?”

“Huh?”

A thought yelled _look down!_ , and sure enough, the impact of running into Riku flung my satchel open when it hit the floor. I hadn’t really noticed at first since I was more concerned about the fact that I might have broken my ass, but now I couldn’t _not_ notice.

They were _everywhere_.

Little black condom packets were strewn over the hall, a few small lube bottles mixed among them. Giving up on humanity ever giving me a break, I sank to my knees and ignored the sudden burst of fire that was no doubt consuming my face by now. I knew how this looked, I knew what this looked like and I didn’t want to know what was going through Riku’s head because _holy shit, they fucking fell out_ , all over the hall, those black little packets resembling the color of the black hole that I really could have used right now and _fuck_ \--

“Th-This isn’t what it looks like!”

Riku stared at me incredulously, half torn between feeling bad for me or wanting to throw his head back and laugh his ass off. The latter choice seemed to appeal to him more, and it was the only sound that accompanied the ringing in my ears as I scrambled on my hands and knees, hands reaching out and grabbing and stuffing Roxas’s goddamn stupid supplies back in my satchel before anyone else could show up.

If it had been anyone else besides Riku, I probably would have been pissed. But what I was hearing right now was a Riku laugh, the same laugh that I heard for the first time at the library all those months ago and it made the butterflies erupt instantaneously and--

“F-Fucking help me pick these up you asshole!” Heatedly whispering I yanked him down to his knees by pulling on his sleeve. He never once stopped laughing and my face was tingling and my ears were still ringing and fuck, there were still so many offending packets all over the hall, and Riku would _never_ let me live this down. “F-Fuck.”

“You’re not usually this eloquent,” he joked, and I could just hear that stupid fucking smirk he no doubt had on his face. That stupid look that I wouldn’t dare look up to see because who knows how else I’d embarrass myself with his dumb, attractive face that close. So close that I could probably just tilt my head up a little and kiss his stupid, cute, unfairly perfect mouth.

“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment?” His humorous tone meshed with a more questioning one, taking me aback slightly as I paused to glance up at him.

“Take what as a compliment?” I asked impatiently. I didn’t remember saying anything; as far as I was concerned Riku was currently talking nonsense and completely ignoring the more pressing matters at hand.

“My kissable dumb stupid mouth attached to my equally as dumb attractive face.”

Now it was my turn to stare. My mouth opened and closed while my ability to form coherent full sentences essentially went to hell, reducing me to reenact the final moments of a fish out of water. Staring, though, staring was something my brain could register. I stared as his smirk morphed into a smile, one of his soft smiles, the seldom ones that he reserved for when he was looking at or talking about something he loved or cherished or something that he was over the moon about having in his life.

The gears in my mind started stuttering, everything being too much and _he shouldn’t be smiling at me like that_ because he’s platonic Riku, and I’m unrequited crush Sora and there was a line we drew that day in the library and that smile, that stupid beautiful smile aimed right at me made me want to scream for him to cross it.

So all I did was stare. Because I knew, without a doubt, that if I tried to do anything else but stare it’d be something I’d regret, something I couldn’t just laugh off and take back with a joke. Both of my palms were flat on the cold floor as I, too, ignored _the more pressing matters at hand_ in favor of relishing in that rare expression I’d probably never see him throw my way again.

He gazed back, his eyes warming and searching for something that I couldn’t understand. I felt vulnerable and I didn’t know why, didn’t have the will to contemplate why since all I wanted to do what stand up and run to my dorm room that was only a few doors down the hall.

Whatever he was searching for, whatever answer he was trying to seek he found, and it was announced in the form of his eyes growing a shade warmer, smile getting softer and _oh no_ he was reaching a hand up. His palm felt too warm against my cheek, my mind screeching to a halt and _oh no what’s he doing?_

Riku kept his eyes trained on mine, the surest I’d ever seen them, causing my already labored breathing to catch in my throat as he whispered, “Can I kiss you right now, Sora?”

 _He’s always got to be polite_ was the first thought that came to mind, the second being that surely, when I fell down initially I must have hit my head. Had to have, because the Riku I thought I knew would never have asked to kiss me, let alone ask to kiss me in a hall littered with scattered wrapped condoms and too-small lube bottles. The Riku I thought I knew would never have asked because he _wouldn’t have wanted to_.

But I must have nodded anyway, must have given him some sort of sign of affirmation since the next thing to register was _holy fuck_ and _oh my god_ then _Riku’s kissing me_. Later I’d wonder how it happened. I’d wonder what went on through Riku’s head that made him think asking to kiss me in a hall full of condoms was even the slightest bit romantic.

Though, if I were being honest, I was coherent enough to acknowledge that Riku wasn’t thinking. This was Riku acting on impulse. It was Riku not really using his brain for once and just following his instinct instead.

And the fact that Riku’s instinct was telling him to kiss me, albeit tentatively at best? At the very least it made me instantly forgive Roxas for any and everything leading up to this moment. It made me glad that he stupidly forced me into going to that seminar, unknowingly becoming the catalyst that led to where Riku and I were now.

His hand twitched slightly as I leaned in, returning his kiss as chaste and soft as he started it, not wanting it to get any deeper than this because _this_ was perfect, _he_ was perfect and _holy shit this was happening_. I felt his smile widen a fraction before he pulled away.

My eyes stayed closed and my breathing remained light and feathery. They stayed closed, even when Riku scooted back to give me space and pulled my satchel from beside me to rest in his lap. I hadn’t of even noticed that his other hand had made its way to rest upon mine until he took it back.

I took in a large breath through my nose and suddenly it started to become too quiet, the ringing in my ears not having stopped from earlier, my gut churning with so many emotions that I couldn’t even think straight.

Riku, my _best friend_ Riku, Riku who always seemed to be able to figure out what I was thinking before even I did proved to be as reliable as I already knew him to be when he whispered, “I can finish picking these up for you if you want to run away now.”

My mouth curled downwards in distaste. I didn’t want to run away. The _last_ thing I wanted to do was to leave under the assumption that I was running away from him, or from what he’d just done.

“Well, not run away exactly,” he began to clarify. “But to go. And think. Or something.”

“You’re not usually this eloquent,” I whispered back.

He laughed again, and it was like things went back to normal. “What can I say, I suppose your brilliant way with words is starting to rub off on me.” Nudging me in the side he repeated, “You can go, Sora. There isn’t some underlying choice here that you’re going to be making by leaving. I’ll pick up the rest of the mess here, and I’ll get your satchel back to you later tonight. Okay?”

“But...”

“It’s okay. Go and think. Before your head explodes and I have to clean up more than just condom packets and tiny ass bottles of lube.”

Laughing in spite of myself I agreed and he helped me stand. Before I turned to begin the fast walk back to my room, I muttered, “I can’t believe you did that.”

His hand tightened around my wrist slightly before letting go. “Neither can I.”

On the walk back to my room, followed by the sounds of Riku leisurely picking up the rest of the mess in the hall, I didn’t look back. But if I had, I would have seen him glance up at my retreating back one last time, that stupid dumb smile peacefully back on his equally as dumb face.


End file.
